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19 July 2016
By Frank Scoblete
A few weeks ago I did my first Casino Safari listing of the various animals and insects some casino players remind me of. Here are more.
Bonobo: These “almost chimps” love sex and have it whenever they can. They end arguments with sex; disgruntlement with sex; and the female bonobo is a rapacious sexual creature that requires heavy loads of sex. Las Vegas wants its women to be bonobos – at least to look as if everything about them is about sex. You can see this with many of the cocktail servers and the “entertainment” dealers who take a break by leaping on a stage and suggestively dancing part of the night away.
Bottle Nosed Dolphin: “Hey, hey, what’s going on at this table? You winning money?” In the elevator, “I’ll bet you are going up in the elevator but your bankroll is going down.” This player will attempt to stick his nose into everyone’s business. He’s a mammal that players are overjoyed to ignore.
Camel: Where does this player put all the booze that he drinks? His capacity looks as if he has two large stomachs that can hold their alcohol. You’ll find a few camels in the casinos, and late, late at night (which is early, early morning) these camels are still making the rounds.
Caterpillar: Do all casino caterpillars become butterflies? What about the seemingly nice woman who smiles and blinks her eyes at you but then loses a few hands and starts to curse up a storm? Has this caterpillar become a moth? Assuredly.
Centipede: As you enter the crowded lobby of a casino hotel have you ever looked down at all those feet going to the registration counter at the same time? I think of this sight as a centipede marshaling its thousand legs to slither somewhere you also want to go. Indeed, we can all be part of the casino centipede.
Chameleon: “Do you have a card, sir?” “I’ll make you a card sir.” “Here’s your player’s club card sir.” “Anything you want sir you just ask me.” “Dinner? Let me check the computer sir.” You never see this guy again.
Clown Fish: This is a player who thinks he’s witty but he is usually only loud and insulting. A few drinks in the clown fish and he becomes even more loud and insulting. There’s nothing like a person who thinks he’s funny but isn’t.
Cockroach: He hasn’t bathed in a while. He hasn’t brushed his teeth since the days of the Spanish Armada. His clothes need cleaning or (better still) a burning. These creatures almost live in the casinos, and the sight of them can actually scare away those who are debating whether to try casino gambling or not.
Common Buzzard: Casino buffets can be a delight. Great food for a low price or better yet, great food as a comp. But all is not as great as it seems, because the casino buzzards feel the need to eat more than very hungry elephants. They load their plates with food from various stations until the plate is overflowing. They then eat some of it and go up to get more food of a different type. You can build a skyscraper with the plates of food on which these buzzards chow down.
Frank Scoblete’s new books are “I Am a Dice Controller: Inside the World of Advantage-Play Craps”; “Confessions of a Wayward Catholic” and “I Am a Card Counter: Inside the World of Advantage-Play Blackjack.” All available from Amazon.com, Kindle, Barnes and Noble, and at bookstores.
This article is provided by the Frank Scoblete Network. Melissa A. Kaplan is the network's managing editor. If you would like to use this article on your website, please contact Casino City Press, the exclusive web syndication outlet for the Frank Scoblete Network. To contact Frank, please e-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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